Whether it is fate or not, there are those times in our life when things just flood to us for no apparent reason. Not that dating in Denver had been a desert, but lately it has been a downpour. Since being back I’ve seen guys off and on getting maybe a couple weeks break between before someone else would surface and catch my interest. Though this time was different. It’s like something else more powerful intervened. As soon as the current guy started showing signs that who he presented in the beginning wasn’t who he really was, a flood of suitors came rushing in all at once practically. Perhaps to prevent me from staying too long in something that won’t work, like I did with my last serious bad egg relationship.
I do find it strange how we can go weeks or months without really finding someone that strikes our fancy. Perhaps we’re meeting lots of guys, they seem really into us, but none are really of the chops we consider moving forward with. I haven’t quite figured it out, though since I’ve returned from the East Coast, from New York City, I seem to be a magnet for East Coast men. If I didn’t leave the East Coast because culturally it wasn’t a good fit for me, then on paper it would sound great to be a magnet for these men. Though I wouldn’t have so many articles on how important integrity is and how varied our interpretations of respect are if I thought it could work.
My friends of course find it hilarious, here I move from New York City trying to get back to dating the quality men of Denver/Midwest/West and keep getting asked out by East Coasters. The first guy I dated since being back in Denver was from Pennsylvania. It wasn’t just the fact he sent me selfies of himself every day, not sexy ones, and not with any words, it was more the fact that his view on integrity wasn’t the same as mine. Then there was the guy from New York. Same thing, varied views on integrity and respect. Then there was the guy from Boston. Again, varied views on integrity. If you’ve followed my blogs you’ll know, integrity isn’t really negotiable for me.
So the questions comes in – are there more guys in Denver from the East Coast now? Totally possible. Or is it that the East Coast guys in Denver are the most likely to approach and ask out women? Also totally possible. Or is it that the vibe I’m giving off has become the vibe East Coast guys are attracted too? Sadly, also possible. Or perhaps something else. Needless to say, here I am in my current flood since ending things with Boston guy and who’s knocking at my door? You guessed it! More guys from the East Coast. Denver-New York guy resurfaced, and a couple new ones got added in.
Since I can’t control how many East Coast guys are present in Denver or how many are asking me out, the only things I can control are how often I say yes to their advances and the vibe I’m giving out. Which brings me to, how on earth would I know what kind of vibe I’m giving out and how to get back to my original Denver/Midwest vibe? My best friend (who’s also an INTJ) told me it will just take time. He believes that it’s just a matter of finding myself again here in Denver, embracing it, and getting better at weeding the low-integrity guys out. Perhaps he’s right.
I feel like if I discriminate and say no to all guys from the East Coast it’s very possible I could be eliminating the East Coast guys that aren’t low-integrity. I’ve also been curious if I leverage MBTI if that will help me be better at weeding out the bad eggs from the good eggs, but so far the only thing I’ve found that is often a bad combination for my MBTI type is turbulent, especially feeling plus turbulent. The delicate ego of turbulent combined with the irrationalism of feeling are just too difficult for me. I prefer a consistent view on integrity that is black and white, locked in stone, not at the whim of ego. Of course all this is great to know and understand, but how can I really use this knowledge is the question.
So here I am, back in the land of dating and wondering how on earth I’ve found myself with so many suitors I can barely keep them straight! Life is so weird sometimes.