Is it just a myth or can it happen in real life? There are certainly those people that the moment we lay eyes on, we feel something, a strong unexplainable magnetic pull. Is it chemistry, something deep in our subconscious, our soul mate, or something else? Of course that’s impossible to answer. On the other hand, there are also those people that weren’t an instant connection, but do become someone very important in our lives.
The first guy I seriously dated in New York, I knew the moment I met him. It was actually at a speed dating event funny enough. There was something about him, I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but everyone else I met that night I had something to jot down, with him, I was awestruck, and he was the only blank set of notes on my speed dating sheet. I knew instantly he would be significant in my life. We ended up dating for about a year, travelled abroad, met my parents, friends all that fun stuff.
Then there was the guy in my mid-20s that I met at a volunteer event I was leading. Being the task-oriented person I am, I didn’t even really notice him. I had 20-30 volunteers that day and it was a bit busy with all the logistics. Though he noticed me and asked me out. I literally had to look through my photos from the day as I didn’t even remember him. In other words, the moment I met him I felt nothing. Though the night we went for our first date, I knew, I felt it. He was going to be significant. We dated seriously for almost two years, moved in, met the family, travelled abroad, etc.
So I have to wonder, what does it really mean. I was talking with one of my closest friends the other day about the different guys I’ve dated and I realized, with almost every one of them, I knew almost instantaneously they would play an important role in my life. Most the times I knew the moment I laid eyes on them that we’d be together, I can’t explain it, and I’d be curious if that happens for others. Though it’s a wild feeling. The weirder part, most of those times weren’t on a first date from online dating, they were organic intersections in life where the second they walked in or the second they crossed my path, I knew.
As I’ve got older and more accustomed to this feeling, it’s a bit easier for me to just play it by ear because it’s happened enough that I know when I feel it, it will come together. When I was younger I would get super excited and day dream about how it would manifest, I’d find myself overwhelmed with excitement and it would sometimes rush things along faster than I’d like. I’ve always been curious if in those first few moments when I felt it, if they felt it too or were just thinking I was cute and let’s see where this goes.
Running a speed dating business I get asked a lot if people get that instantaneous connection and then end the night abruptly not finishing the other dates. I’ve personally never experienced it, though I guess it is possible. I do think each of us gets those moments of intense passion toward someone that turns out to be mutual and overpowers everything. That kind of connection where you’re both lost in each other and the world seems to disappear. The kind of connection where you feel happier than you’ve ever been or ever knew you could be, euphoric in a sense. I will say, I think it would be pretty cool if that did happen as love is incredible and finding that kind of connection is the definition of success.
Then again, I hear a lot from friends that love can grow on them over time. That if they don’t feel it at first, it can develop. This is from both men and women. For whatever reason I’m not wired that way, so it’s hard for me to understand though I recognize that can happen for some people. I’ve had the guys where I thought they were awesome, pure awesome, but no matter how hard I wanted to feel more, I couldn’t. If you read a lot of psychology blogs you may have stumbled on all the theories the best and longest love is the kind that starts slow and develops over time.
So whether you believe in soul mates or love at first sight or if you believe that’s all hokey and it takes time to know someone, at the end of the day this is your life journey to follow. Some believe that soul mates is less about romantic love and more about a spiritual connection, which could explain why sometimes we can have such an intense connection with someone but it not turn romantic. On the opposite end, some theorists will say that the soul mate connection is merely a reflection of subconscious draws we have toward people that remind us of our family or parental figures, whether it’s mannerisms or looks or how they speak, etc. Needless to say, there are lots of perspectives out there, what the truth is I guess we’ll never really know.