When you’re not his only one…

There are few things that compare to being cheated on by someone you are married to or in a serious relationship with. The person you put all your faith and trust in. The person you wake up to every morning, think about every day, consider in your every thought. The same person that while looking into your big blue eyes, caressing your cheek that says – you have nothing to worry about, you’re the only one I’m with. Meanwhile earlier that day they were unzipping their pants for someone else.

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I went the first 37 years of my life without ever experiencing such a violation. Never fully understanding how women got themselves in that situation. I’d historically only dated good quality strong healthy mature men, ones that have too much consideration for other people and the ones they are with to ever put them through such a horrible thing. Men who are strong enough to say no to temptation, that understand the consequences and know how to do the right thing even when it’s tough.

Though when it happens to you – and I really hope it never does – it is a violation on so many levels. It tears at your heart and soul in a way that nothing else does. This same man that cheated on me also verbally and emotionally abused me. I can’t explain it, but the abuse was incredibly difficult, but the fact he could live a double life without any regard for my heart or my health was so low I couldn’t even image it was possible. That he could penetrate another human, be intimate with them, and then do it all again with me later that same day.

Does it take a complete sociopath to be able to tell someone they love them, that they are being faithful, without any wavering? Sociopath being defined as someone who lacks empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The guy that when you find out he cheated doesn’t even own up to it, doesn’t even feel any remorse. Whose only response is – well, but I didn’t lie about how I felt about you. I wasn’t expecting a guy like that to take accountability, but to admit he treats people he loves like that and thinks it’s okay. It’s sad he believes love includes infidelity and deciet.

If you are dating a sociopath, which is surprisingly more common than we’d probably like to admit, then the roller coaster of cheating could get even more colorful. Someone who has no consideration or empathy for you, someone who is exclusively thinking about pleasing themselves, someone who doesn’t understand right and wrong. These men, perhaps they are just cowards or entitled egoists, though regardless the diagnosis, their behaviors can escalate. If they aren’t built with the capacity for remorse or consideration or a strong character, then the depth of their double-life can be deep.

Not only is this person risking the relationship, the love you both share, but they are also risking the health of your body. Ideally if your partner is cheating on you they at least have the decency to wear protection with the other people so as not to harm your body due to their bad decisions. However, when you’re dealing with these types of men, that don’t care enough about you and your feelings to not cheat, that don’t have strong characters to say no to temptation, it’s likely they won’t care about your body and keeping it clean.  All they care about is having fun and getting their ego stroked, they don’t care if they are bringing diseases back, they don’t care if they are getting their mistresses pregnant. In their mind, as long as their ego is getting stroked these women knew what they got into and it’s their problem. A man lacking empathy is not going to care or be there if shit gets real.

As people we tend to have pretty good radars. We can usually tell from other people’s behavior if they are of good strong character or if they are from weak character. Just because someone is from weak character doesn’t make them a bad person, however, they are likely to be higher risk for these reckless types of behaviors. This is why I’ve written articles on how to identify the strong men. I’ve received emails from people that believe these strong men don’t exist, only in the movies, and I can tell you for a fact they do exist. Not only have all but one of my relationships been with strong men, I have countless male friends, family members, and connections that live by those traits. They do exist and when you know what to look for, they aren’t that hard to find.

If you already in the depth of a relationship with someone who is cheating on you, it can get complicated. You have to decide for yourself if it’s worth staying or if it’s time to go. Leaving is not easy, no one says it is, it might be one of the hardest things you do, but sometimes the right thing is the hardest thing. If you choose to stay, please just protect your body, it’s never too late, as the last thing you need is to have your marriage ruined and your health ruined. One of those alone is hard enough. The violation, complete disregard for you, for your health, for the life you shared, the fact they played you, none of it is easy to go through or to recover from, so be easy on yourself, and consider setting boundaries so it never happens again.

Cheers,

Sara

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