How to spot the INTJ Female…

As we each seek to find our ‘ideal’ Myer’s Briggs match, if yours is the INTJ female and you’ve stumbled on this blog in an attempt to help, let me see if I can try.  It’s important to note that I can count all the INTJ females I know on one hand (they aren’t very common), so the sample size for this is small, but it’s at least something to reference.


Of course there are exceptions, but generally speaking…


  1. Hair – will likely be a traditional cut, something easy to maintain, that took minimal prep (so not the dyed hair, done-up look)
  2. Make-up – none or if any, a light natural look (so not the red lips, super model look)
  3. Face – will likely be in resting face, eyes reading any data in sight (so not giddy smiley or making flirty winking eye contact)
  4. Clothes – comfortable, if nice it’s probably still comfortable nice, unlikely to see vivid colors or prints (so that flashy, straight out of catalogue gal, ya not us)
  5. Shoes – comfortable, if heels it’s probably still comfortable, likely a basic color (so those super high stilettos or bright leopard print heels, not us)


Out and about (alone) – We’re comfortable with alone so unlikely to hide ourselves in our cell phone or start up a conversation with the person next to us, it’s probably the gal chilling by herself perplexed in thought

Out and about (restaurant) – We’re super focused people, so chances are we’re the lady who’s making eye contact only with the friend who is speaking, not glancing the room to seek out eye contact and possible flirtatious encounters, we’re likely to be completely in the conversation

Out and about (bar scene) – We tend to enjoy blending in/disappearing which means we often attract friends who enjoy being the center of the action without any competition, so look for the gal whose friend is getting all the attention and she’s slowly shrinking into the back corner in complete disinterest for the guys that are attracted to the excitement, we love our friends, but we’re interested in very different guys


Along with how to spot an INTJ comes how to actually approach her once you find her and that my friend can be a tricky thing.  Tricky because we’re highly selective, we’re less excited by general flattery and if we accept your flirting invitation there’s a huge chance it means you’ve passed the first threshold, so if that happens, even if you’re not feeling the giggly hair tossing reassurance your normally get, consider yourself in.

I’d recommend laying off the cheesy pick-up lines unless you’re making a satire over it. An INTJ female adores a witty man. Confidence is huge, but cocky is a major turnoff. Difference – confidence is still making eye contact while being sure of yourself in your speaking and demeanor. Cocky is checking the room out while you’re talking to us and acting like you could care less. Cocky doesn’t inspire us to win you over, it inspires us to walk the other way.  She’s looking for a strong man who’s not afraid to take a risk for love, which means she’s far more likely to evaluate your advances than make her own. If an INTJ female hits on you, it’s a rare moment and time almost stood still so grab on tight and enjoy the ride!

As you’re considering approaching the INTJ female, being courageous enough to make the first move, regardless of outcome, is impressive and even if it doesn’t turn out, the fact you asked/approached is awesome.



4 thoughts on “How to spot the INTJ Female…

  1. I enjoyed this. I usually don’t wear makeup out but I LOVE wearing making at home LOL! It gives me the freedom to try bold looks that I would never wear outside. Weird I know. Story of my life.


  2. Hi Sara, I break most of the rules you have outlined for dress and behavior, and at first that startled me. I think I have learned to camouflage and adapt to my surroundings, at times, being a real smart ass about the requirements I feel it places on me. I like loud prints, and was accused once of being “aggressive” in my clothing choices. After thinking it over, I realized I was trying to intimidate, to reduce small talk, and the pointless interaction of social conformity. They were always comfortable, though. :) I used to wear make up, but have stopped over the last couple of years, preferring additional sleep time instead. Even as I say that, I can see circumstances in my future where I will wear make up again. I am still an INTJ, but I got tired of trying to explain how and why I think and feel the way I do. Now, I focus on appearing to be one of the hive as much as possible and leave my true nature to the posting of message boards from home. :) I admire the chutzpah of your writing about being in INTJ, and look forward to more of your thoughts.


  3. Hello Sara,

    Interesting article, I am female INTJ myself, yes most of your point are spot on, but I can’t agreed with you about the make up, sometime I put my red lipstick on, but the reason behind it, it is just I wanna do what I want to do, and I still put that blank face on. Sometime I also wear red bright dress, not to draw attention but I just feel strong with that colour, even mostly I got this monocrome colour in my closet.

    Liked by 1 person

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