As the old adage says, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. This first blog is dedicated to my ex, who through breaking my heart inspired me to start this blog. I feel like it’s time to embark on my own personal eat, pray, love episode. Stay tuned for a land tour from Berlin to Beijing this October! I wonder what fun travel adventures I’ll have ;-)
In thinking about relationships, it’s easy to get caught up in mourning a breakup, wondering what went wrong, why, what could I have done differently, did they really love me, how on earth will I move on, and so forth. We could stir ourselves up for days or even months on this. All that stuff is important, though sometimes it’s through times like these that we get the chance to re-evaluate who we are and what we want. Although it may not be fun to admit, it takes two for a relationship to crumble, meaning there’s probably a take-away or learning that can only make the future you better.
My friends consider me a hopeless romantic and to be honest they are right. I absolutely can’t help it. I always bet on love. Not to say I don’t see warning signs or overlook huge incompatibilities, but I do see the world and people as on a continuum of grey where nothing is exactly right or wrong. I think sometimes it’s easy to say ‘they should have done X’ or ‘if they loved me they would have done Y’, but in reality we’re not them. We have no idea what value they put on things or what cultural norms they were raised with. Their way of expressing something might be completely different, meaning if we attach ourselves to the ‘should be like this’ or ‘should be like that’ based solely on our background we could be creating a barrier to real love.
As a hopeless romantic nothing rattles my cage more than self-sabotage of a relationship. Especially in that vulnerability phase, wow that’s a real kicker. Some people handle it better than others, but it certainly tries even the toughest of folks. Keeping your cool through the ‘why didn’t they call’ or ‘what does that text mean’ or as Taylor Swift so accurately deemed – ‘are we out of the woods yet’. LOL. In that phase it’s so easy to sabotage without even realizing it – you think you’re just calling someone out ‘why didn’t you call me back’ but in reality it could be seen as accusatory and a total turn off in the early stages when no one owes anyone anything. Sure, keep to your promises, but we’re all human we make mistakes which means cutting some slack in the beginning when our hearts feel the most vulnerable worrying ‘does this mean it will always be like that’. Otherwise we could kiss what could be the love of our life good bye. And that my friends makes a hopeless romantic like me just cry. So please don’t do that!
I can’t tell you how many times I hear people say, ‘but what if I get hurt’. I’m not sure why I wasn’t wired with that feeling, but I put so much value on love and relationships, whatever risk is needed I’m all in. I’m highly selective when choosing a mate, but when I do, you better believe I’m jumping in the deep end of that pool and giving it all I’ve got. I don’t mean crazy stalker stuff silly, I mean really investing, I don’t date multiple people ever (I think I might be allergic, ha!), and I focus on trying to get to know the other person, understanding what makes them tick, trying to see the world through their eyes. I tend too give them quite a bit of rope and as a result have had some really wonderful fulfilling relationships. Not to say I haven’t had a few rocky ones, but all in all, most have been two mature people coming together to see if it’s the right fit. I’ve also found I tend to date a lot of ENTJs or INTJs so being with a similar personality type might be part of it ;)
Anyhow, if you haven’t checked your Myer’s Briggs before, I’m a huge fan (see my About page for a link). Maybe because I have a rare type so I finally feel understood (thank you!) or maybe because there’s some truth to it, who knows. In any case, they also have who you’d be paired with and I’ve found some truth in those too. It’s all just food for thought, they don’t pay me to say this, but if I can help you find love you better believe I’m gonna try ;) I absolutely love love!!
“Embrace fear, insecurity, and uncertainty as the doorways of opportunity that they are” Jenny Blake